In this week’s Torah portion, we learn about two of Aaron’s sons, Nadav and Abihu, who are put to death for offering an unwanted sacrifice to God. The scene is chilling not only for the graphic way in which the two are killed, but also for the fact that their father Aaron is silent in the punishment’s aftermath. Our text reveals that Aaron’s silence is most likely related his role as high priest. Aaron must refrain from public grief because the Israelites need him to be present for them. His mourning must take place in private while he fulfills his public obligations.
However shocking this scene may feel, the truth is that there are times in which we too must pause from public mourning. As a rabbi, I am taught to hold back emotions during funerals because the people there need me as a ‘non-anxious’ presence. My role is to provide them space to mourn and not simply to be another mourner.
When I was in Israel last week, I saw countless examples of people holding back their own private grief to play very public roles. Whether it be the IDF funeral coordinator who is working with hundreds of families to bury their children, or the head of a Negev Kibbutz who is helping hundreds of families relocate to Tel Aviv, there are so many examples of grief being set aside for people to be present and fully available for others.
Importantly, grief cannot be ignored. We need the ability to mourn. We honor those we have lost by embracing this grief and living it. Our tradition provides us with outlets and time-periods to help us in this process. But our tradition also reminds us that there are times in which our most intense pain must be momentarily put aside to be present for the other.
It is a difficult task and one that is taking place in Israel on a massive level right now. Much like Aaron who is silent in the face of loss in order to be available to the people who need him, many Israelis today are holding in their public grief while attending to the needs of those who need them most.
