When We Don’t See One Another

Have you ever seen a debate on Facebook in which one side actually wins, in which one side admits the error of their ways and states that they learned a lot from the digital interaction? Have you yourself ever walked away from one of these digital arguments feeling that you learned about the other side’s position and grew as a result?

I have found that most debates and arguments that take place on social media do nothing at all to advance the cause of finding a solution – they merely embolden people to feel ever stronger about their own views – and worse off, they often lead each side to villainize the other to the worst degree.  

Truth be told, social media is but a microcosm of a general tendency we all have to defend our positions so fiercely that we are unable to recognize or think about any other viewpoint.  The more we hear views that are counter to our own, the more we feel the need to defend and to fight against them.  Instead of opening our hearts and our minds to other perspectives and views, instead of seeking more knowledge, we labor to find the most invulnerable proof of that which we already believe.  

And of course, it is that which we consider “invulnerable proof” that tends to be the most extremist and the most dangerous.  

This constant need to defend already held opinions and beliefs is what has led our world to a constant state of polarization, a place where you are either on one side or the other, where there is no grey – where there is no nuance – where if you do not support one position, you necessarily support its polar opposite. 

The conflict in the middle east is mired in nuance and greyness and complexity – yet all we hear from some are words like genocide, apartheid and ethnic cleansing – words that are anything but nuanced, words that make false claims about reality in order to strengthen already held positions – words that embolden people to fall into the abyss of hatred. 

In this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Toledot, we learn about two brothers, Esau and Jacob, who are constantly fighting.  Instead of seeking reconciliation, Jacob decides to trick his brother and his father.  The result of this trickery is the breakup of a family—a breakup which forces Jacob to flee and leads to much chaos.  

Jacob spends his early adulthood in fear of his brother – believing that if they should meet, he will most definitely be killed.  But later, we realize that Esau never intends to kill Jacob.  Their separation has all been caused by their inability to communicate, by their unwillingness to see and to understand one another.

The future for Israelis and Palestinians depends on the ability to step beyond the polarizing rhetoric and to move beyond the debates that only further entrench us in our views.  At some point, we need to find ways of communicating and truly recognizing one another’s right to exist. 

We can fight for Israel’s right to defend herself and feel for the Palestinian people.  Palestinians can fight for Palestinian statehood and understand Israel’s right to exist and the Jewish people’s right for their own self-determination.  This kind of thinking can exist – these ideas can be mutual – but not without seeing one another, not without communicating and  easing to be so dismissive of the other.  

On November 29th, I am honored to participate in a forum with Rockland County Human Rights Commission entitled The Great Healing Forum which will take place at the Rockland Community College.  Joining together with area Rabbis, Imam Syed Ali, Holocaust Museum Board Membr Paul Adler and Human Rights Chair Spencer Chiimbwe, we will recognize one another.  We will see one another’s humanity and re-affirm our commitment to communicate and understand each other.  

Importantly, this gathering is not asking anyone to cease speaking out on what is right and what is wrong nor asking anyone to stop defending Israel and her right to defend herself.

The purpose of this gathering is to recognize that our very future depends on our ability to truly see the other.  

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